And a Minister said ...

Let them use the £ sterling.

Of course there would be a currency union," the minister told the Guardian in remarks that will serve as a major boost to the Scottish first minister, Alex Salmond, who accused the UK's three main political parties of "bluff, bluster and bullying" after they all rejected a currency union.

The minister, who would play a central role in the negotiations over the breakup of the UK if there were a yes vote, added: "There would be a highly complex set of negotiations after a yes vote, with many moving pieces. The UK wants to keep Trident nuclear weapons at Faslane and the Scottish government wants a currency union – you can see the outlines of a deal.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that this was the plot of a "not-just-rather-Nat-friendly but actually several feet up Wee Eck's colon" play on Radio 4 a few weeks ago.

Secondly, I'd like to point out that there is no way that an independent Scotland is not going to start off using the pound. No way are they going to be allowed in to the Euro and there isn't enough time (based on my experience of Euro conversion in the late 90s) for all the work necessary for an independent central bank and independent currency. Even if any of the Scottish banks had any money to spend on the IT project. So the question isn't "£ or no £", it is "currency union or no currency union".

Which rather leaves us at a bit of an imp-arse*.

Every party with the vaguest chance of being in power in r-Westminster has officially rejected currency union. The SNP have rejected the Montenegro (€) / Panama ($US) solution (use the currency without any portion of control or even representation at the Bank of England. Ed notes: And with the relative size of the economies, any Scottish representation or voting rights would be the rough equivalent of the SNP's representation in Westminster - they might tip the balance if everybody else was hopelessly confused.)

Which actually means that his Eckness (and the rest of his hordes, including the rabid e-ones) are going to have to be a wee bit adult about this. Which is, given that they can't stop whining about how unfair it all is, is going to be rather unlikely. Ho hum.

* © Sgt F Colon, Esq.

The Pound Scots

I had been going to try to write something intelligent about the "Should an independent Scotland be allowed to keep the Pound Sterling" debacle.

But I've no chance of being able to produce anything as well thought through and erudite as this from Prof Adam Tomkins. If you are at all interested in the Scottish independence debate or vote, I'd suggest you read it.

On a less serious note, I might suggest that as we are generally talking about a 9:1 split, we just split the Pound Sterling 90p to the English and 10p to the Jocks. That would make it comparable to the historical value of the Pound Scots anyway ...

Do the SNP believe in independence?

Well, not really - if you look at what Angus Robertson has been saying.

described the news that the Joint Strike Fighter would not be based at Lossiemouth as the "latest blow to the beleaguered defence establishment in Scotland".

Now, this isn't a problem, is it? Unless you are stupid enough to believe that, come independence, all MoD personnel and materiel north of the border would simply stay there to become the HM's Scottish Armed Forces. (Ed notes: and that there wouldn't be a huge exodus south between a successful-for-them vote and the throwing off of the shackles of Westminster oppression) Of course, Angus may indeed be. He is a politician, after all. But, of course, the SNP want Trident to move south (and the hunter-killers would follow ...)

So, why Typhoon and not JSF?

Simple. There is sense in placing some of your Air Defence forces at the extremities of your country - even if they are howling wilderness. Shortens your reaction times to any incursion or overflight. Ground attack aircraft? Unless there is an obvious existential threat from your neighbours, you base them where it is convenient for logistics and move them when needed.

And there simply aren't enough Scots wanting to join the UK Armed Forces - and this is also why the Scottish regiments seem to have been harder hit than others.

Terry Kelly is rarely right - but he does have one point. The SNP are no less a single-issue party than UKIP. And a lot less consistent with the effects around winning their pet issue than Farage's merry mob.

Election: Illiteracy

SNP election leaflet, entitled "More Nats, less cuts".

"Fewer cuts", you fools!

Gesture Politician

I had thought about venting about this yesterday, when I first heard about it, then calmed down and got on with some proper work. Then I read Sam's brief dit on the subject and have come crawling back to my virtual vomit.

Last time I mentioned Christine Grahame, spawn of all that is grotesque and evil in the pustulent boil that is the Scottish body politic, on this blog, I believe I was calling her a cunt. And, guess what, she still is. Spectacularly and publicly so.

So, she wants Mary, Queen of Scots body to be returned from Westminster Abbey to, well, somewhere in Scotland:

She was an iconic historical Scots figure and ultimately the victim of English plotting.

Given the House of Stuart's association with Falkland Palace, a place where Mary is believed to have spent her happiest days, that would appear to be an appropriate place to inter her remains.

Mary is, I am forced to agree, an iconic figure in Scottish history. A pathetic figure - affianced at six months to the child who would be Edward VI and then to the Dauphin, Francis, at 5, she was shabbily mistreated by the vermin that, even then, were flocking to the reeking cess-pit now sited at Holyrood.

Never mind that her happiest days were probably, when not seen through the yellow-tinted spectacles of the SNP, those she spent at the French Court between 1548 and 1561.

Never mind that her friend (and possibly lover but, frankly, who cares) was slaughtered, then her husband was strangled, then she was raped and imprisoned and forced to abdicate - all in Scotland and all by Scottish politicians (even though Darnley was born near Leeds and considered an English subject - albeit the son of a Scottish Duke) - before fleeing to England.

Never mind that England was just recovering from the slaughter and misery of the Counter-Reformation and Mary was seen by many as the Catholic pretender to the English throne (as Elizabeth herself recognised when she suggested Mary marry Robert Dudley and be acknowledged as Elizabeth's heir.) Although the facts of her, direct or otherwise, personal involvement in any of the plots^* is lost to history, she was certainly a focal point for these and one of the purposes of a figurehead is to be separated from it.

Never mind that her grave in Westminster Abbey was built by her son, James VI & I, and placed near to Elizabeth's to show that she was as great a Queen as her cousin (although, being honest and despite acknowledging Elizabeth's many faults that tend to be glossed over, Mary was nowhere near as capable).

But, hey, if it gets a couple of the sheeple voting for them rather than Gordo, who cares about history, respect or dignity? Certainly not oor Chrissy.

See what we have to contend with up here? The only realistic alternative to the nu-Labour farce in most of this benighted land, from blasted heath to sixty's slums, are a bunch of dribbling bigots who make DK's 'Barbary Apes' look like statesmen of stature.

* Yes, Walsingham did probably invent or at least provoke the Babington Plot. But even though Mary might not have been eligible to be tried for treason (she wasn't English but the Treason Act 1351 does not specifically require you to be a Crown subject), a case under the Bond of Association could have been made and the prescribed penalty was still death.

Trampled under the Jackboot of BKF.co.uk

You see, it's not all a horrible conspiracy! Loony bug-eyed socialist bloggers get hammered by legal threats too (actually, Tim is definitely on the left side of sensible and Craig certainly reads that way. Update 2: and, of course, I had forgotten about the undeniably left-wing Harry's Place). But 15 minutes? I can barely pour, never mind drink, a G&T in 15 minutes, nowadays ...

Seriously, this is ridiculous. Although I am quite surprised that a fairly personal letter from the daughter of an SNP councillor to the First Minister and Leader of the SNP ended up in the hands of a gossipy Trot, you can never really tell what is going to crawl out the sack of rabid ferrets that is Scottish Politics^*. So, kudos to Kezia for publishing, yah-boo sucks to Bannatyne, Kirkwood, France and Co., who, it has to be said, seem to normally make their money on the right side of the fence. Update: I notice you aren't suing the Torygraph and best of fucking luck having a go at wikileaks. I don't think they're going to be scared by you or by your mate Carter-Fuck.

Oh, and what I think about the 'good' Councillor - you were a turd before this, and a turd you remain. Anyway, if you wish to read the letter and, frankly, it shows you what an excellent role model for a modern Muslim father Councillor Hanif truly is, you can read it here.

As an irrelevant aside, isn't it an interesting coincidence, apart from sheer serendipity that gives you the Kezia Bulldogs site (which could lead to all sorts of lipstick jokes), you also have the founder of "Scotland for Obama 08" sharing a relatively unusual Christian name with Obama's step-mother.

Update & *: Including, my bad, people who copy highly personal letters to the newspapers. And, if Cllr Hanif, or his representatives do read this, exactly which of the allegations against you are false? The guns? The violence against children? The 'promise' of forced marriage? Your misogynism, temper or racism? Just asking, as a concerned voter.

Populist Fool or Statist Cunt?

The question is being asked of Kenny MacAskill today, who has demanded that the UK government, in the form of Ruth Kelly, never a body corporate nor a person slow to shit all over the liberties of us mere peons, reduce the legal blood alcohol level for drivers from 80mg/100ml^* to 50.

It has to be said that this is not a new SNP policy - so they are, at least, consistent in their shit-headery.

"What's your problem?" you may be asking. Do I really want more deaths on the road? After all:

Drink driving remains a constant thorn in the side of efforts to make our roads and communities safer. The fact that 1 in 9 road deaths in Scotland were alcohol-related shows we need to do more.

Aaaargh. You utter fucking imbecile. If you want to educate people that drink driving is bad, then educate them - you're in charge of the entire Scottish education system for fuck's sake. You have an enormous PR and media budget. Prioritise the spend. But no, you are trying to change the law. You need (well, okay, you don't, you should have) a reason. A simple change of question for you.

It is not "How many road deaths are alcohol-related?", it is "How many deaths were attributable to the legal alcohol limit being 0.8g/l not 0.5g/l?"

Just one hint. Don't believe the BMA's figure of 65 UK-wide. They, just like our politicians, are another bunch of "Do as we say, not as we do", hypocrites.

* Science pedant here - what, exactly, is wrong with properly labelling this 0.8g/l? Maybe because that seems really small? Cunts.

Christine, please, shut the fuck up!

The utter stupidity of British politicians never ceases to amaze me. Which just proves that we are not always capable of learning from our mistakes.

Of course, in Scotland, the lunatics beat the the spivs in the last election, so they have so much more scope for their cretinous beliefs and ridiculous notions to interfere with those of us just trying to get along in life. Recently, the anti-English^* party have been even more whacked out than normal - the Berwick stunt, Chris Harvie's moronic utterances regarding Lockerbie and, alerted to by the ever vigilant Snob, Christine Grahame, prime twit of l'affair Berwick, at it again.

According to Terry's favourite paper, she added:

Given we have had some recent high profile examples of such acts of heroism it is time we remedied the situation and properly recognised these outstanding individuals.

Whilst I accept that the current George Medal is available to people throughout the UK, it is clearly a very Anglo-centric award that takes no account of Scotland's long and well-established tradition of bravery, both in civilian life and in the role performed by Scots service personnel over the centuries.

The George Medal depicts St George of England slaying a mythical dragon, a representation that remains quintessentially English.

Now, let's just see. It is not the "St George" Medal (and Cross), it is the (King) George (VI) Medal, as can been seen in the official MOD photograph (and, yes, I know that it would the current monarch on the obverse of any new awards). And, and I appreciate that as a modern politician, Christine won't have been anywhere near the military, it is the obverse not the "St George & the Dragon" bearing side that shows.

And, of course, St George isn't English. If he existed, he was probably Turkish born, Greek speaking and thought of himself as a Roman citizen. And he isn't just the patron saint of England - he is the patron saint of (countries only); Canada, England, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Montenegro, Palestine, Portugal, Russia, and Serbia; as well as the Spanish regions of Aragon and Catalonia.

And, of course, it is not the politicians and Government, whether Scottish or United Kingdom that awards gallantry medals in the UK - it is the Queen (or the Royal Humane Society and the Royal National Lifeboat Institution.) So stupidity reigns, as ever, in the bowels of Holyrood; Grahame herself and Messrs Hepburn, Ahmad, Wilson, Gibson, Kidd, McMillan and McKee. The Herald doesn't do much better:

The George Medal and George Cross were created to reward acts of bravery committed by members of the Commonwealth not serving in the armed forces, who can be awarded the Victoria Cross.

No, they were not. They were created to reward acts of bravery committed other than in the face of the enemy - whether by civilians or by military personnel. The George Cross replaced three existing awards, the Empire Gallantry Medal, the Albert Medal (1st Class or Gold awards only until 1971) and the Edward Medal. Many recipients have been military personnel - many bomb disposal officers and technicians such as Captain Peter Norton GC although other have won the awards for saving life in minefields or, in Lance Corporal Chris Finney GC's case, because the Septics are, technically, not the enemy.

I'll leave you with a comment from somebody who knows - retired police Chief Superintendent James Beaton GC CVO JP:

Bravery is bravery the world over, be it Scotland, Ireland, Wales or anywhere else. The Victoria and George Crosses are recognised the world over. If you were to have a Scottish George Cross, why not a Scottish Victoria Cross? Should I be given a Scottish award because I am a Scot living in England?

* Well, they are. Not all of them but a significant number of their politicians, many of their activists and, I suspect, a huge percentage of their voters.

Shock Factoid

According to the Scotsman, the SNP were crowing that their membership has risen 11% in the last year. On the face of it, this seems a significant vote of approval in their policies.

However, that has risen to a mere 13,944 souls.

To put this into perspective, the greatest shake-up in the British constitutional framework since universal voting rights, and possibly since the 1707 Act of Union itself is being driven by very few people, a mere 0.27% of the population of Scotland (figure from the Office of National Statistics):

• Under 1600 more than attended Dundee United's recent 2-0 defeat by Celtic.
• Roughly 10000 fewer than voted for "the most useless man in Westminster", Falkirk's very own, Eric Joyce.
• Less than 9 times the number of the severely deluded who voted for the "fattest numpty in Paisley", our Hero, Terry Kelly¹.
• Fewer than ¹/₁₀ the number of people who work for² the NHS in Scotland.
• Slightly more than ¹/₄ of the number of children born in Scotland in 2005.
• Well under half the number of people registered members of the Army Rumour Service website.

I just really, really didn't think it was very many.



1. - Who still insists he represents "My ward is Whitesbridge, Fischer, Baronscourt and Ferguslie. ( Ward 3 )". Actually, according to the council, he represents Ward 4, Paisley North West. Let's not let a wee thing like the complete reorganisation of the system of voting for councillors get betweeen us :)

2. Okay, "paid by" may be more relevant than "work for".

Poliscum

What is it about politicians that they find the concept of "property rights" so difficult to get hold of? Tim blogged about the effects of the tragedy of the commons on the "Common Fisheries Policy" and now Wee Alex has apparently said (of the Lewis chess set):

he found it unacceptable that the pieces were scattered around the UK.

That would be, Alex, because they are owned by different organisations or people - who can freely choose where and how they are kept. I can understand why the people of Lewis would quite like them back but you are hardly going to be spending your own dosh getting them back, are you?

PS - What game of chess do you play with 93 pieces? Not the one I learned, that's for sure.